what to say when someone is on hospice

3 min read 22-12-2024

Saying the right thing to someone on hospice can be challenging. Finding the words to offer comfort and support during such a difficult time requires sensitivity and understanding. This article provides guidance on what to say, and importantly, what to avoid, when visiting someone receiving hospice care. Knowing what to say to a person on hospice care is a sign of compassion.

Understanding Hospice Care

Hospice care focuses on providing comfort and support to individuals in the final stages of a terminal illness. The goal isn't to cure the disease, but to improve the quality of life for both the patient and their loved ones. This understanding is crucial in shaping your approach to conversation.

What to Say to Someone on Hospice

The most important thing is to be present and genuine. Avoid clichés and focus on connecting with the person on a human level. Here are some helpful phrases:

Expressing Empathy and Support

"I'm so sorry you're going through this." A simple, sincere expression of sympathy goes a long way.
"I'm here for you, whatever you need." Offer practical help, whether it's running errands, providing companionship, or simply listening.
"How are you feeling today?" Show genuine interest in their well-being, both physically and emotionally. Be prepared to listen without judgment.
"Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" Offer concrete assistance rather than vague offers of help.
"Thinking of you and sending you love." A simple message can offer comfort and connection.
"Your strength and courage inspire me." Acknowledge their resilience in the face of adversity.

Sharing Memories and Positive Moments

"I'll always remember [positive memory]." Sharing cherished memories can bring joy and comfort.
"I'm so grateful for the time we've spent together." Expressing gratitude for their presence in your life.
"Tell me about [a happy memory]." Encourage them to share positive experiences and reminisce.

Practical Support

"Can I bring you a meal?" Offering practical help takes the burden off their family.
"Let me know if you need any groceries or medications." Providing support with daily needs is incredibly helpful.
"I can help with [specific task]." Offering specific assistance is more impactful than general offers.

What NOT to Say to Someone on Hospice

Avoid phrases that minimize their pain or offer false hope. These can be unintentionally hurtful and insensitive. Here are phrases to avoid:

"You're looking good!" This statement dismisses their suffering and can feel dismissive.
"You'll be better soon." This statement offers false hope, which can be disheartening.
"At least…" Statements that begin with "at least" minimize their suffering.
"Everything happens for a reason." This statement often provides little comfort.
"Stay strong." While well-intentioned, this can feel demanding and insensitive.
"I know how you feel." Unless you've experienced the same thing, it's best to avoid this phrase. Empathy is more impactful than claiming to understand.
Long, drawn-out stories or complaints. Keep conversations brief and focused on the person receiving hospice.

How to Approach the Conversation

Be present and attentive. Put away your phone and focus entirely on the individual. Active listening is key.
Be patient and understanding. They may be tired, in pain, or experiencing emotional distress.
Follow their lead. Allow them to guide the conversation. Some days they might want to talk, others they might prefer quiet company.
Don't be afraid of silence. Silence can be comforting and allow for reflection.
Don't push them to talk. If they don't want to talk, simply be present and offer your support.

Beyond Words: The Power of Presence

Often, your presence is more important than the words you say. A gentle touch, a warm hug (if appropriate), or simply sitting quietly beside them can offer immense comfort. Remember that your intention is to offer support and connection during a challenging time.

By thoughtfully considering what to say and, equally importantly, what not to say, you can offer meaningful comfort and support to someone facing their final days. Remember, your presence and compassion are invaluable gifts.