what to say to new mothers

3 min read 23-12-2024

Congratulations are in order! A new mother has just embarked on one of life's most incredible journeys. Navigating the early days of motherhood can be overwhelming, filled with joy, exhaustion, and a whole lot of uncertainty. Knowing what to say (and, just as importantly, what not to say) to a new mother can make all the difference in supporting her during this transformative time. This guide offers practical advice for offering genuine support and comfort.

The Power of Supportive Words

The postpartum period is a uniquely challenging time for new mothers. Hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, and the immense responsibility of caring for a newborn can take a toll on both physical and mental well-being. Your words can have a powerful impact, either uplifting or discouraging. Focus on providing genuine support and empathy.

What to Say:

"How are you really doing?" This open-ended question invites honest conversation, beyond surface-level pleasantries. It shows you care about her well-being, not just the baby.
"What can I do to help?" Offer specific, practical assistance instead of vague offers of help. Could you bring a meal? Offer to run errands? Watch the older siblings?
"You're doing great." Simple, yet powerful. Acknowledge her efforts and resilience. Focus on her capabilities, not just her challenges.
"This is a challenging time, and it's okay to not be okay." Normalize the difficulties of motherhood. Remind her that it's acceptable to struggle.
"Let's go for a walk/grab coffee when you're ready." Offer social connection without pressure. A short break can be incredibly restorative.
"I'm here for you, no matter what." Reinforce your unwavering support. Let her know she’s not alone in this journey.

Focusing on the Mother, Not Just the Baby

While the baby is undoubtedly a significant part of her life, remember to acknowledge the mother's experience. Don't just comment on the baby's cuteness. Ask her about her well-being and her experience.

Instead of: "What a cute baby!"
Try: "How are you feeling? Is the baby sleeping well?" or "How are you adjusting to motherhood?"
Instead of: "Are you breastfeeding?" (a very personal question!)
Try: "How are you finding feeding your baby?"

Phrases to Avoid

Some well-intentioned comments can inadvertently cause distress. Be mindful of your words and their potential impact.

Phrases to Avoid:

"Sleep while the baby sleeps." Easier said than done! New mothers often struggle to find the time or energy to sleep, even when the baby does.
"Just enjoy every moment." This dismissive phrase minimizes the challenges and exhaustion new mothers often face.
"You'll get used to it." While true, this statement offers little comfort during difficult moments.
"My baby slept through the night at six weeks." Comparisons can be hurtful. Every baby is different.
Unsolicited Advice: Avoid dispensing unwanted advice unless explicitly asked for.
Negative Comments about Body Image: Steer clear of remarks about her weight or appearance. This is an incredibly sensitive time.

Practical Support Beyond Words

Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Offering practical help can be incredibly valuable.

Meal Delivery: Bring a prepared meal or organize a meal train with other friends and family.
Errand Running: Offer to pick up groceries, dry cleaning, or other necessities.
House Cleaning: A tidy home can make a significant difference in reducing stress.
Childcare: Offer to watch older siblings or the baby for a short period, giving the new mother some much-needed rest.

Celebrating the Journey

Motherhood is a beautiful, challenging, and transformative journey. By choosing your words carefully and offering genuine support, you can make a significant positive impact on a new mother's life. Remember to be patient, empathetic, and present, celebrating this special milestone with her. Your support can make all the difference in helping her navigate this incredible, and often overwhelming, adventure.