what to do for a wake

3 min read 24-12-2024

Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. A wake, often a vigil or visitation before a funeral, provides a space for grieving, remembering, and celebrating a life well-lived. Planning a wake can feel overwhelming, but with thoughtful preparation, you can create a meaningful and comforting experience for family and friends. This guide will walk you through the essential steps.

Planning the Wake: Key Decisions & Considerations

The first step is determining the location and timing of the wake. Common venues include:

Funeral homes: Often offer all-inclusive packages handling arrangements, catering, and space.
Churches or religious centers: Suitable if the deceased was deeply religious or the family prefers a spiritual setting.
Community centers or halls: Provide flexibility and potentially lower costs, but require more planning for catering and setup.

Consider the deceased's personality and preferences when choosing a location. Did they prefer intimate gatherings or larger events? What kind of atmosphere would reflect their life?

Timing is crucial. Wakes typically last a few hours, often in the evening to accommodate working mourners. Consider the practical aspects – travel times for guests, availability of the venue, and the family's emotional capacity.

Creating a Meaningful Atmosphere: Details that Matter

The atmosphere you create significantly impacts the overall experience.

Guest Book and Memory Table:

A guest book offers a way for attendees to leave messages for the family. A memory table is equally important. Display photographs, mementos, and personal items that reflect the deceased’s life and personality. This creates a visual tribute, allowing people to share memories and connect with their essence.

Refreshments and Catering:

Refreshments are a common part of wakes. While elaborate catering isn't necessary, offering light snacks, beverages, and perhaps some simple finger foods shows care and provides a comfortable environment for guests to mingle and share stories. Consider the deceased's favorite foods or drinks as subtle nods to their memory.

Music and Readings:

Music can profoundly impact the mood. Choose songs that reflect the deceased's taste or songs with meaning for the family. Readings, whether poems, scriptures, or personal anecdotes, add another layer of personalization, allowing the expression of love and remembrance. Consider including a eulogy or several short speeches from close friends and family members.

What to Do During the Wake: Guiding the Mourners

The wake is primarily a time for remembrance and support.

Greet Guests: Make an effort to greet and welcome every guest. Offer condolences and be present for those who need comfort. Prepare a designated family member or friend to be the primary point of contact for logistical matters, allowing others to grieve.
Share Memories: Encourage guests to share stories and anecdotes about the deceased. This not only helps preserve their legacy but also provides comfort and solace to those grieving.
Offer Support: Be there for those who are struggling. Sometimes a listening ear or a hug is all that is needed. If people are visibly distraught, offer to connect them with a mental health professional or grief counselor.
Provide Direction: Ensure guests know where things are, including the guest book, memory table, restroom facilities, etc. Clear signage or a designated person to provide guidance is helpful, especially in larger venues.

After the Wake: Caring for the Family

Following the wake, the family will require continued support.

Offer Practical Help: Tasks like grocery shopping, childcare, or running errands can make a significant difference.
Emotional Support: Continue offering your emotional support and listening ear in the weeks and months following the loss.
Maintain Contact: Grief is a long process. Don't disappear after the wake. Stay connected and check in on the family, letting them know you're there for them during this difficult time.

Planning a wake involves navigating grief and logistical details. However, by focusing on creating a meaningful atmosphere and providing support, you can help create a space that honors the life of your loved one and comforts those who grieve. Remember, the most important thing is to celebrate the life of the departed and provide solace to those left behind.