what does a narcissist do when you call them out

3 min read 26-12-2024

what does a narcissist do when you call them out

Narcissists, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), react in predictable ways when confronted with their behavior. Understanding these reactions can be crucial for self-preservation and setting boundaries. This article explores the common responses you might encounter when you call out a narcissist.

The Spectrum of Narcissistic Responses

Calling out a narcissist rarely leads to a healthy, productive conversation. Their response will depend on various factors, including the severity of their NPD, the nature of the confrontation, and the power dynamic between you. Expect a range of reactions, from subtle deflection to outright aggression.

1. Denial and Distortion: The Gaslighting Game

This is a classic narcissistic tactic. Instead of acknowledging their wrongdoing, they'll deny it outright. They might twist your words, reframe the situation, or even claim you're the one with the problem. This is gaslighting – a manipulative tactic designed to make you question your own sanity and perception of reality. They might say things like, "You're too sensitive," or "You're misremembering," even when you have clear evidence.

2. Rage and Aggression: Unleashing the Inner Storm

When denial fails, some narcissists resort to anger and aggression. This can manifest in verbal attacks, insults, threats, or even physical violence. The intensity of their reaction is often disproportionate to the situation. Their goal is to intimidate you into silence and regain control. This aggressive outburst serves to reassert their superiority and punish you for challenging them.

3. Withdrawal and Silent Treatment: The Cold Shoulder

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse narcissists frequently employ. Instead of engaging in a direct confrontation, they withdraw entirely, refusing to communicate or acknowledge your presence. This tactic is designed to punish you for their perceived transgression and regain control through emotional manipulation. It's meant to leave you feeling isolated, confused, and questioning your actions.

4. Playing the Victim: Turning the Tables

Narcissists are masters of manipulation. When confronted, they often portray themselves as the victim, shifting blame and responsibility onto you. They might exaggerate your flaws, highlighting any mistakes you’ve made to justify their own behavior. This tactic is used to garner sympathy and deflect attention from their own actions.

5. Shifting Blame and Projection: It’s All Your Fault

Closely related to playing the victim, narcissists frequently project their own flaws and negative traits onto others. If you call them out for being controlling, they might accuse you of being controlling. This deflection avoids taking accountability for their actions. They’re shifting the focus entirely away from their own behavior.

6. Charming and Apologizing (Superficial): The Temporary Truce

Occasionally, a narcissist might offer a superficial apology. However, this is often a manipulative tactic to smooth things over and avoid further conflict. It lacks genuine remorse and is unlikely to lead to lasting change in their behavior. Expect the cycle of abuse to continue.

What to Do When a Narcissist Reacts

Dealing with a narcissist's reaction can be emotionally draining. Prioritizing your own well-being is crucial.

Document Everything: Keep records of instances of abusive behavior, including dates, times, and specific details. This is vital if you decide to seek help or establish boundaries.
Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and what behaviors you won't tolerate. Be firm and consistent in enforcing them.
Limit Contact: Reduce or eliminate contact with the narcissist whenever possible. This protects your emotional and mental health.
Seek Support: Talk to a therapist, counselor, or trusted friend or family member. Having a support system is vital in navigating these difficult situations.
Consider Professional Help: If you're experiencing significant emotional distress, consider seeking professional help for yourself. Therapy can provide valuable coping mechanisms and support.

Remember, you are not responsible for a narcissist's behavior. Their reactions are a reflection of their disorder, not a judgment of your character. Prioritizing your own well-being and establishing healthy boundaries is key to protecting yourself from their manipulative tactics.